Here it is. It’s the day. You may not know me, yet, so this probably seems like a strange way to open up my first post, but it’s what came to mind…so, it’s what you’re getting. 😊 To be honest, I simultaneously feel exactly the same and wildly different. Primarily, I feel freer and lighter, and more focused and controlled, happier and easier. Like it’s how it always should have been. But first I had to do the work to get here.
Allow me back track …
In January of 2015 I was, as I so fondly to refer to myself, the “Three F’s”: Fat, Furious, and Floundering.
Fat: After meeting the absolute love of my life three years prior, I’d managed to gain about a pound a month….every month, since I’d met him. Quick math: That adds up to a quick 30-35 pounds. This was more than just a little happy, relationship weight. …the extra weight I was carrying around with me, ended up making me very unhappy, and wildly uncomfortable in my own skin, and all while being seriously restricted by the clothing that I fit into in my closet. I’d tried many a crash diet, sometimes losing up to ten pounds before giving up to starvation and what I chalked up to weakness, and gaining it all back. Great.
So that’s F numero uno…and lucky me, I’ve got two more
Furious: I had some pretty serious personal issues I needed to sort through – more specifics to come later. But suffice it to say that I was working out some very serious communication challenges I was having with my mom. I loved her dearly, but during this time in my life, we were not communicating in a way that was conducive to a loving or healthy mother-daughter relationship. We were fighting consistently. It was wholly my choice and my doing. I was angry at her every, single time we spoke – typically to the point I screamed at her during most conversations and to the extent that she was afraid of me. Not exactly how you want your mother to feel about you, nor how I wanted to feel about her. Fml.
Floundering: I also was floundering professionally. The months prior I’d gotten a huge promotion, and while it may have appeared from the surface that I was doing alright, I was managing a team of young professionals new to our industry, and I had absolutely zero management experience or clue what I was doing, really. At the tender age of 26 everything felt out of control. I didn’t know how to communicate with my staff to motivate them, couldn’t keep myself organized, or stay focused on one task. I also knew that while I absolutely loved this first career I’d entered out of school that it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing in the next five years, but couldn’t fathom what a next step looked like.
All this fat, furious, floundering failure came to a traumatic head when my wonderful boyfriend was driving me to work one morning. Some less-than-competent driver pulled a U-turn, without looking or putting on a turn signal, directly into our car, or rather into me. Thus totaling both cars, breaking four bones in my hand, and sending me in an ambulance to the ER. Great. Add fractured to the list of F’s.
Once I got past the initial shock of the accident, the time being in a cast added to my workday seemed intractable.
I was in serous need of some professional help.
I’d interviewed at least six different therapists, all of whom felt like they were differing flavors of wrong: patronizing, poor listeners, too slow moving, unable to provide me with tools I needed to move through my damn issues and GET GOING to where I wanted to be.
Sure, I didn’t exactly know where, specifically that was, but I knew I was destined for more and these therapists all seemed to really want to wallow in my sadness instead of catapulting out of it.
[let me say, I HIGHLY recommend therapy when working with mental or emotional stress or trauma. I’ve successfully attended it at other points in my life, this was simply not one of those times for me, personally]
Cue a sobbing dinner table conversation with the aforementioned brilliant boyfriend – during which he said “You don’t need a therapist. You need a coach. You need to move through your issues, not wallow in them.”
Enter Fruition Coaching and Megan. Megan and Andrew (the bf) had worked together a few years ago and he kindly made the introduction and slowly my coach helped me to sort out the jumbled and broken puzzle pieces that was my life at the time and start assembling them into the beautiful picture it is today.
On one particularly challenging call following the car accident when I’d been working 65+ hour weeks just trying to get by at work, missing out on the gym classes I’d recently fallen in love with, and still struggling with mom, and my team at work my coach said words that really forever changed my perspective on life:
This is happening for you, not to you.
This was all happening for a reason, some of which was clear or became so, others of which I am still figuring out. But this new perspective and way of seeing life allowed me to release some of the control and tension I was ruthlessly clinging to and allowed me to release all of that tension and relax, into the flow of my life.
Fast forward, and with time I’ve reworked those fucked up F’s into things I’m really proud of…
Fit: I’ve lost 30 pounds over two years of consistent hard work and dieting, and have a found a personal trainer who I adore and can afford who has created fun and motivating workouts that I actually enjoy.
Forgiven & Forthcoming: I’ve done a LOT of work to repair my family relationships and genuinely enjoy spending time with and am able to openly and honestly communicate with my mom and family much better. My mom never really needed to actively forgive me, because she didn’t hold a grudge, but she did for my sake, and I have done the same for her. Something I needed to do for myself. We’ve done a lot of work to understand what the other needs and I personally have invested time in being with and enjoying my parents. Nothing is completely perfect and we still struggle at times, but the communication is so much easier now and there is so much less stress.
Focused & Flowing: Here I am today, writing this entry as the very first day in seven years I’ve not worked in staffing. It’s wild. I am now officially a career and life coach. I have an office of my very own. I manage my schedule. I am starting to live my dream helping people to uncover and reach their own goals. I am financially stable and able to support myself while I am making this transition and I am really doing it.
So today, while in many ways my day felt like most days – got up at the same time, went to many of the same places, and talked with many of the same people, it was also different. I am living my life the way I have intentionally designed it. Bringing it to fruition as a result of a LOT of hard work, saving, communicating, self-reflection and letting go. Starting something new is totally terrifying, but as my Fruition Coaching team discussed today, the scariest things we do are typically the ones that make us feel most alive and yield the best results.
So here I am, jumping out into the world, both completely on my own, and yet totally supported by my friends, colleagues, and family. I’m so excited for this next chapter in my life and am so excited to share it with you here on Wishfully. Welcome to my blog.